Fear of Rejection

God has been moving and changing me in a way like no other. Recently it has been to bring things to light that I had forgotten about or it was such a norm I didn't realize what was true and what wasn't or knowing truth but falling back into that nonsense by habit. So a few memories have been kicked back to me and I nearly gasped when they came forth. This one for me is an interesting one yet it made me understand a few things about me.

I think its safe to say its normal to want to fit in as a child or teenager but to what extent would you go to for it? I didn't realize until now that I did a lot of things just to be accepted and that's pretty sad. I made the choice to do these things so there is no blame put off on others that was solely my decision and I have to be accountable for it.

A few things I did to feel accepted:

• Had sex with someone even though I didn't really want to
• Smoked cigarettes
• Drugs (now this was from a feeling of rejection but not from this stand point of wanting to be accepted it was to run away from that pain of someone who had rejected me)
• Lied A LOT!
• Made up stories and exaggerated situations to fit in (used to say I was a stripper)

So I think to myself who does these things? Who actually lies about sinning? Who actually does something they don't want to do because they want to feel accepted? I would say most people but most do not talk about it. I never talked about any of it until now and I blocked some of it out, didn't realize why I did some of it and now the light is shined in this spot and it must be talked about.

I think its pretty sad that I felt I had to even engage or make anything up to feel accepted and whats sadder was I wanted to fit in with people thinking their ways where right knowing they weren't. My goal is now to help others that feel the same way get freedom and to talk about all these things everywhere I go.

God told me a long time ago I am not abnormal a lot of people do these things but never acknowledge it or they said it so much it actually becomes part of their memories. You can definitely reason your with yourself but the truth is still there deep in your heart and I am glad Jesus shined the light so it can come out. Thankfully God has shined some truth into my life and I do not have to be ashamed of any of it. Thankfully he has changed me so I can see these things and say okay this is truth it hurts it sucks but I can not hold onto it anymore and give it to Him. God will now sew up that wound.

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. - John 3:19


Father I pray that all who read this are touched by your truth. That the light be shined in a dark place. We have all felt the sting of rejection but you tell us Jesus was rejected so we can be accepted. So I pray that all who read this and feel rejected be knocked over by your grace, mercy and love. That they feel they are accepted by you who loves them more than anything. I ask that you bring healing to their wounds and show them the love and kindness you have shown me through your Son Jesus. Thank you Lord for the privilege to love and serve such a loving God. In Jesus Name Amen!